Cutting Emotional Cords That Don't Serve You

Last week, I thought about what would be the best subject to talk about this week. As I was searching for it, I noticed two of my clients were going through the same thing. They both were going through the process of cutting emotional cords that they no longer needed.

Cutting cords have personally helped me tremendously over the years. It helped me overcome various issues and to experience what true freedom feels like. Then I thought, “what could be a better way than letting go of emotional cords that don’t serve us anymore so we can spend the rest of 2020 happy and free?”

So what is an emotional cord exactly?

An emotional cord is an energy connection between 2 people. The cord allows for energy to exchange with one another. The deeper the connection is, the stronger the cord becomes.

If cords are healthy, there is nice balanced energy flowing between them. But they become a problem if you are in unhealthy or toxic relationships. If the other person has lower energy or negative mind, and you, on the other hand, have higher energy or a positive mind, your energy could get drained through the cords without you realizing it. When the exchange of energy is imbalanced, it may weigh you down and prevent you from moving forward.

So you might think, “I can stop seeing people I don’t like.” Yes, you can stop hanging out with certain people who do nothing but drain your energy. It works that way in certain situations. But the problem is that those emotional cords can be attached even if two people are not physically together. So your cord could still be attached even after you got divorced or broke up with someone many years ago.

It also becomes difficult when it comes to your family, especially your parents. No matter what kind of relationships you have, you are connected with emotional cords almost as a default. So unless you purposely cut or decline the cords, they are attached to you no matter how far you live from them or how rarely you see them.

In fact, one of the two clients I mentioned earlier has been working on her emotional cord with her estranged father whom she hasn’t seen for a long time. The second mentioned person has been working on her emotional ties with her elderly mother who lives in a different state whom she only sees once a year. Both of my clients moved out more than 20 years ago, and they have their own families now, but they still have a hard time dealing with their emotions when it comes to their parents.

So as you can see, not seeing them or locating yourself far from them is not going to work. Unless you consciously cut the cords, they will be attached to you no matter where you go.

So what can you do?

The first step you can take is to acknowledge the cords. You need to evaluate if the relationships are draining your energy or weighing on you and then you should realize that you’d be better off letting them go.

Once you choose the cords, find the main emotion that is attached to them. One of the biggest reasons why people have a hard time letting go of unhealthy and toxic cords is because they have unchecked emotions (feeling angry, victimized, or taken advantage of, etc) in the relationships. Unless you acknowledge them, you will continue to feel the drag.

So rummage through your memories with the other person and find the ones you feel that need attention. It could be something he/she did to you or said to you. It could be a series of many things or just one thing.

Let me share some of my clients' stories as an example.

One felt never accepted by her estranged father. She felt so unloved and unwanted, and she blamed herself for it for a long time. But when she validated her emotions, she started to have a clarity that her father is a type of person who couldn’t care about anybody else but himself. It wasn’t her fault that he was never around. He was not capable of loving someone (possibly to no fault of his own), and it had nothing to do with her.

Another, always looking for her mother’s validation because she never received any attention, let alone any love, from childhood through adolescence. All the while feeling like she could never be enough for her mother. But when she validated her emotions, she made a connection between her mother’s hurtful comments and the fact that she herself was bullied in her youth. Her mother has been struggling with her weight all her life, so it makes sense why she pressures her daughter to be as skinny as she can be, while she never praises her otherwise.

As you can see, validating your emotions is one of the very important steps for cutting emotional cords. Once you acknowledge the emotions and have a different perspective of the memories, you will notice the negative feelings dissipating. So repeat this process as much as you need.

Once your feelings towards the other person become neutral, it’s time to cut the cords.

Go somewhere you feel safe and comfortable. Close your eyes and imagine having the other person standing in front of you. And then imagine there is a cord that is connecting the two of you. Imagine having these golden scissors in your hand and gently cut the cord. Cut any other cords that you feel are attaching you and the other person. And imagine the other person with a smile on his/her face while they slowly walk away. Once you are done, open your eyes.

What I shared with you is a short version of a journey of cutting cords. You may need a full version to pull out any other cords that may be deeply rooted. As I mentioned earlier, the deeper the connection is, the stronger the cord becomes. But I’m certain this exercise will help you jump-start the process and let go of some of your unhealthy relationships weighing on you.

Once you cut the unhealthy cords, new healthy cords will naturally start to grow.

I want you to keep in mind, the key to this journey is to find the main emotions that are attached to the cords which need to be validated. It may take some time, but be kind to yourself and let your intuition guide you.