Self-care has been a big thing for women in the last couple of years. I see more and more websites, blogs, and social media posts that encourage self-care. People have started to realize how important it is to take care of their mental, emotional, and physical health in order to have a fulfilled and happy life, in which self-care plays a significant role.
Self-care is one of the things that I recommend to my clients. However, I often notice some of them having a hard time doing it, even though I ask them to pick what they like to do. They get excited when they come up with activities, but they end up doing something else (working, running errands, house chores), and most of them don’t even know why.
By working with many women over the years, I found three primary reasons that prevent them from doing self-care. Let’s take a look.
1. Sense of guilt
One of the reasons why people struggle with self-care is because of a sense of guilt. They feel that they don’t deserve their own attention, so they unconsciously create some sort of blocks.
And the similarity I found in those people is that they all have an “I’m not good enough” mindset. They not only block or ruin anything good that happens to them but go out of their way to not look after themselves.
Here are the statements that I often hear them say.
- I feel like nothing comes easy for me.
- I often put others first.
- I find it hard to trust myself.
- I’m overly critical of myself.
- I feel like I have to work hard to get what I want.
Another thing I often see people do is to wait for “someday.”
“I’ll buy some clothes when I drop a few pounds.”
“I’ll start preparing healthy meals when I start a new job.”
This issue really resonates with me because I myself used to be this way. I pushed all the self-care I desperately needed to the side and kept on with my busy life until I was completely burnt out and realized “someday” was but a mirage. This was the delusion I created to avoid taking care of myself because somewhere deep down, I felt “I didn’t deserve it.”
3. Ulterior motive
Another reason why people have a hard time doing self-care is that they exploit self-care to avoid facing their core problems. They know that they need to face their emotional issues such as anger, hate, fear, guilt, sadness, shame, or despair, but they unconsciously choose a superficial self-care, so they don’t have to deal with them.
We tend to put a bandaid over our emotional wounds without treating them. We pretend they are not there, hoping they will go away. But if we don’t do anything to make them heal, they remain an open wound. The pain would never go away and keep preventing us from having a happy and fulfilled life.
So, which reason resonates with you? What do you think is blocking you from doing self-care? And finally, determine your path and the steps you need to take.
I hope this blog gives you different insights about self-care and how to evaluate yourself better and assess your ways deeper. Once you eliminate any blocks, self-care would become one of the most gratifying things in your life, and soon you will start to look forward to it every day.